Dictionary of EPisms

In the likely event that you haven’t got a clue who half the people I’m talking about are…… Here’s a list of who’s who in EP’s world.

Note: Some guys go by their first names only. Some guys go by the names that their teammates give them (which usually just involves adding “y” at the end) at times. And some get the most random nicknames ever:

Avery’d – Coined by someone at Habs Inside/Out. Getting Avery’d means you get hit upside the head accidentally-on-purpose. This term came about when Avery hit Marshmallow upside the head during a commercial break. Example: Jaro was Avery’d by his own teammate at the World Championships.

The Anointed One – Sidney Crosby. Meant in complete sarcasm, of course.

BabyBenchWarmer -aka BBW for short. Etienne Marcoux. He was 15 when I saw him in a Juniors pre-season game which automatically made him a baby and once Jake Allen left, he got to be a full time backup goalie for the Juniors.  And backup goalies sit on benches.

BennyPoo – Benoit Pouliot. He was initially called “Poo” but then when he started doing something good (ie score goals and actually hit people) then I had no choice but to change his name to something a little better.

Boba Fette – Sergei Bobrovksy. Everyone thought that calling Bobrovsky “Bob” was a good idea. It’s not because it’s terribly unoriginal thus a new nickname had to be found.

BobbyMayer – Robert Mayer. Original, huh? Hey, it’s better than calling Sergei Bobrovsky “Bob”.

Captain Peachy – Jonathan Toews. See “Peachhawks” and “Peach Fuzz”.

Chicoutimi Cucumbers – The Chicoutimi Sagueneens. No idea where the Cucumber thing came from.

Chubby Marty – Martin Brodeur. I think the name explains it all?

Coach – this is actually czechtacular’s name for Guy Boucher but I’m stealing it (with permission of course).

Coach SweaterVest – Mario Duhamel coach of the Drummondville Voltigeurs. Read this.

Crabby Khabby – Nikolai Khabibulin of the Peachhawks. Spawned by Sarah_Connors

Crysob – Sidney Crosby. Rearrange the letters of Crosby’s last name and you get “Crysob” which is of course “cry” and “sob” stuffed together. See “Puffy”, “The Anointed One”

Ebrolay – Jordan Eberle. Because every now and then “Eberle” just becomes too hard for some people to say so they come out with “Ebrolay”.

– Malkin. Sarah_Connors said that someone asked her if Malkin was animal, vegetable or mineral. She said Mineral. I said he looked like the eggplant in my fridge. We’re pretty sure that Mr. Puffy can pronounce “Eggplant”. And besides, “Eggplant” is closer to “Evgeni” than “Geno” is..

Failtender – Basically any goalie who fails in a sad fashion. See “King of the Failtenders”.

Flandersdude – Derek Wills, play-by-play guy for the Hammies. He is called Flandersdude because his voice is reminiscent of Ned Flanders of the Simpsons. He’s also the most amazing play-by-play guy ever. Seriously.

Flyguys –
The Flyers (courtesy of FlyersRule).

Floppy Flambé-
Marc-André Fleury. Fleury turned into Flurry which turned into Flurfy which turned into Flandre which turned into Flambe. Thus is he Flambe now. Floppy was added when we decided that he flopped around a lot when he was in nets. See “Maffy”.

French Marshmallow –
Guillaume Latendresse. Guillaume = Guimauve = Marshmallow. But I already have a Marshmallow (Tim Thomas) so he’s the “French Marshmallow”.

Gerber’d – After Martin Gerber, being Gerbered is basically when the goalie messes up on an obvious play. Note: a team gets Gerber’d. The goalie doing the Gerber-ing is a failtender. Exmaple: the Leafs were Gerber’d. See “Turco’d”, “failtender”.

Gluu(uuuuuu) – Mike Glumac. A (now former) Hammie.

“Going Torts” –
The hockey version of “going postal”. This term was coined after John Tortorella went insane and waterbottled a spectator at the Verizon Center. See “waterbottling”.

Goose The Puppy – Jonas Gustavsson. First.. to explain the last bit. Gustavsson has been called “The Monster”. I have no idea why. I think he’s the least scary goalie out there aside from Vesa. Hence, I decided to call him “The Puppy”. THEN I heard a CBC guy call him “Goose-stuff-son”. So now he’s Goose The Puppy. Yup.

Grumpy – Jean-Francois Berube. He’s always glaring. At least when I see him play, he’s always glaring.

Gub Brothers – Erik and Alex Gudbranson (you remember them as the brothers who played for the Kingston Frontenacs. Alex won gold with the U17 team in 2010 and Erik… uh didn’t win gold with the U20 in 2010…). Also known as Big Gub and Lil Gub respectively.

GusGus – Jonas Gustavsson of the Leafs. See “Goosestuffson the Puppy”.

Habbies – The Habs. However, EP will NOT tolerate anybody other than a Habs fan or a people friendly to the team calling the Habs the “Habbies”. So if you’re one of those TSN guys who don’t care about the Habs, you can NOT call the Habs the “Habbies”.

Habsland – Generally speaking this is Montreal. But Habsland also has outposts in just about every major hockey city in North America. We also have some outposts in Europe. Where there is a Habs fan there is Habsland.

Halak Attack – Halak’s goaltending often induces Halak Attacks.

Hammies – the Hamilton Bulldogs (the Canadiens AHL farm team). They are called the Hammies because EP didnt like calling them the ‘Dogs. Besides, it rhymes with “Habbies”. Kinda. Okay, not really.

Hammie Bros – Freddie and Dougie Hamilton of the Niagara IceDogs. Hamilton = Hammie(something). And Freddie and Dougie names just happen to end in “ie” as does “Hammie”.. so yeah…  They aren’t Hammies. Freddie’s a Shark and Dougie’s not drafted yet (but he’ll probably not be a Hammie).

Hammietown – Hamilton, Ontario. Where the Hammies play.

It – Can refer to almost any player who’s name has been banned for various reasons. Generally speaking this is another name for Crosby though.

Itty Bitty (Dany) –Daniel Briere. We’re fairly certain that Briere is taller than EP, but EP isn’t a hockey player so she delights in poking fun at one of the most disliked players in Habsland.

Ketchup – Sergei Shirokov. A CBC announcer once said “he’s shaped kinda like a Heinz ketchup bottle”. No idea what he was referring to really, but yeah… There we go.

King of the Failtenders – Vesa Toskala. Anyone who has seen him play knows that this name needs zero explanation.

Loochness Monster – Milan Lucic.

Marshmallow -Tim Thomas. Because he is the same dimension as a marshmallow.

Misshy – Jason Missiaen. A baby former Hab who played for the Peterborough Petes (he’s now with the Drakkar)

Moose – Karel St-Laurent. Formerly of the SeaDogs. Nickname is courtesy of this quote: “he’s the size of a mack truck next to the BabyBenchWarmer. I mean, he’s like a moose!” Mack Truck was just not as fun to say so moose it was!

Mooseberg – Johan Hedberg. Apparently his nickname is “Moose” but when I saw someone call him “Moose Hedberg” I read it as “Mooseberg” actually so yeah… Gotta love moments when I appear to need glasses :D

Moosies – Manitoba Moose. AHL affiliate of the Canucks.

Mooski – Rimouski Oceanic. “Rimouski” proved too difficult to type during the Memorial Cup in 2009.

Munchkin – Courtesy of Cathie (Cathie_AK27 on Twitter). Munckin is Metropolit.

Ovie-goal – a goal scored by Ovie. To truly count as an Ovie-goal though, Ovie has to do something pretty neat to get it. Simply tipping the puck in doesn’t really count.

Patches –
Courtesy of Number31, Patches is Max Pacioretty

Peach-goal – A Peach Fuzz goal. Or any other Peachhawk goal. But mainly a Peach Fuzz goal.

Peach Fuzz- generally speaking this is Patrick Kane because he has a “peach fuzz” playoff beard.

Peachhawks- the entire Chicago Blackhawks team. Because most of them are under 25. See “Peach Fuzz”, “Captain Peachy”

Mr. Perky – Robert Lang because EP insists that he’s a perky person.

Pie – Nicklas Backstrom. He has a cutie-pie face but writing “cutie-pie” took too long so it got shortened to “Pie”.

The Priceberg – Another Number31ism that EP loves. EP usually refers to Carey Price as the “Priceberg” when he’s on top of his game and makes huge saves.

“Popping a Puffy” – Despite the violent sounding implications, we imagine this scenario as the Looch delivering a particularly hard hit on Puffy. Oh wait…. that would be rather violent….

Puffles – the Pittsburgh Penguins. The name Puffle came about when EP saw their third blue jerseys and thought that the colour looked “Puffy Blue”. Puffy somehow got turned into Puffles. So now they’re the Puffles.

Mr. Puffle/Puffy – Sidney Crosby

Puffy No Beard – Sidney Crosby. See “Wannabeard”.

Pukey – Jake Allen. Jake puked all over the place during a game once. The reactions from the play by play guys was hilarious even if Jake’s plight wasn’t (don’t worry, he survived).

QMoose – The Halifax Mooseheads. If the Manitoba Moose are the Moosies… what are the Halifax Mooseheads? The QMoose.

The Reindeer – Prince Albert Raiders. This is what happens when it’s X-mas time and you’re looking over things quickly: You read “Raiders” as “Reindeers”.

The Schmo Clan – This encompasses all the Schmoos. Schmo, Schmou and Schmooey. All are courtesy of Cathie (Cathie_AK27 on Twitter).

Schmo – Corey Clouston, headcoach of the Sens

Schmoou – Peter Deboer, headcoach of the Panthers

Schmooey – Dan Byslma, headcoach of the Puffles

Shorty Marty – Martin St. Louis. Again, we’re fairly certain that St. Louis is taller than EP when he’s on skates, but EP has never seen anybody shorter in the NHL before.

Skinny Vinny – Vincent Lecavalier because it goes nicely with Shorty Marty =p

Simmy the Twitching Goalie- Semyon Varlamov because “Varly” sounds icky and he seems to twtich a lot when he plays. He’s “Simmy” because he used to be called “Simeon” in the media.

Squishy – Cammalleri. Because Cammalleri sounds like calmari. Calamari is either an octopus or a squid and because I can never remember which, I call them “one of those squishy beasties”. Hence, Cammalleri is Squishy.

Squeaky Marty – Martin Biron because… well, have you ever heard him talk before? Exactly. He’s squeaky.

StaalClone1,2,3 – the Staal bros because they all look the same.

StaalCloneJr- Jared Staal. The youngest StaalClone.

Stewie – Gregory Stewart a former Hammie.

“THAT” game – Game 7 of the Hammies/Texas Stars series in the 2010 playoffs. The Hammies went into the series as the favorites but ultimately lost a heart breaker in game seven.

TMF – The Mighty Fed = Roger Federer. Obviously.

Teddy – Cedrick Desjardins. Apparently “Ts” and “Cs” sound similar over the airwaves. Thus, I kept hearing “Teddy” instead of “Ceddy”. Thus, he is Teddy. Thank you fuzzy airwaves for aiding in yet another random nickname.

Turco’d – If a goalie comes out of his net too far and can’t get back in time before the puck goes into the net. Named for Marty Turco who seems to like to come out of the net way more than is neccesary. Example: The Pens were Turco’d (when Maffy left the net). See “Geber’d”.

Turnip – Pavel Datsyuk because he has a turnip-like head =)

Vomitgoal – a goal scored by someone you really don’t like. Courtesy of Number31 . Example: Milan Lucic just got a vomitgoal against Cam Ward tonight….

Wahhh – Oliver Roy. Not only do French Rs tend to sound like Ws when English speakers say it, but Olivier Roy will totally be going “Whahhhhhhhhhh” when his team gets destroyed repeatedly. Okay, maybe not. But that’s what I’d like to happen.

Wannabeard – Those lame attempts at a playoff beard. See “Puffy No Beard”.

Waterbottling – A term that was coined after Rangers coach John Tortorella had a hissy fit and threw a water bottle into the stands in game 5 of the Rangers/Capitals series. You waterbottle (ie throw a waterbottle at) someone when you’re really ticked off at them. Example: I wanted to waterbottle Puffy after he whined about Ovie scoring.

Whalercanes – Spawned by Sarah_Connors , this is pretty self evident if you know that the Hartford Whalers moved to Raleigh North Carolina and became the Carolina Hurricanes. Whalers + Hurricanes = Whalercanes.

YouKnowWho – No, not Voldemort… Although we might as well call this YouKnowWho Voldemort. YouKnowWho usually refers to Jamie Benn. In the 2010 AHL playoffs Jamie Benn was the bane of every Hammie’s fan’s existence. We’re still cursing the Dallas Stars for sending Jamie Benn back to the AHL after he spent a huge chunk of his season with his NHL club.